Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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