i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize