Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
