Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Enjoy the penises
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
