I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
