either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
