She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
