Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
