I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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