do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize