I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
