Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
