God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
