omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
