Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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