when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
