3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
