I want to make a zoo with you.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's rum buckets o'clock
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
