You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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