She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
