Duck Duck Cougar?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
