When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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