I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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