It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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