i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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