ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
