After last night, I could never be a politician.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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