Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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