when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
