Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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