I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Two words: blizzard sex
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
