Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
