best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
