Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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