I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
