Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
