ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
