so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
