i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
