So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
