I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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