if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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