He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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