I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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