Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
