Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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