I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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