Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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