And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
