I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
