Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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