New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
