You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
