it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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