your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
