You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
