my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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