He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
