Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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