If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
