He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
