i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
