I'm sorry my penis didn't work
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
