So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
BRING THE BAGELS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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