I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
