I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
