so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
