yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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