I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
