I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
