I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
