every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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