He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
