She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The Olympian is in my bed
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