I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
